So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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