He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
