ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
