you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
