Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
