Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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