sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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