So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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