i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
