Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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