I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
