im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found puke in my bra..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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