why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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