A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
