I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
