I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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