They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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