she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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