My nipple is on Facebook.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
