when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
