I think I won the penis lottery.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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