We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
