i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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