They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
