the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
