just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
