I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
