Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
