I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize