The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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