I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
