i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
