Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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