We tried having a conversation with our noses.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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