Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
