ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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