It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
