At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
