she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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