Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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