just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
