I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
