Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
