i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
