So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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