I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
