I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well you can't waste a boner
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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