he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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