I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
