I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
