You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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