The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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