I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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