dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
