I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
