the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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