In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
high people should be assigned attendants
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
