just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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