I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
