where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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